CULLEY: WE HARDLY KNEW YE

On January 29, 2021, the Texans hired their 4th Head Coach in franchise history, David Culley.

On January 13, 2022, the Texans fired their 4th Head Coach in franchise history, David Culley.

The 350 DAYS that Culley served as Texans HC is by far the shortest stint in their 20 year history. Dom Capers lasted 5 years (hired a year before they started playing). Gary Kubiak was here for 7 years and change. Bill O'Brien ruled for 6 years plus 4 games of his 7th year. David Culley doesn't even make it 1 full year. Even GM Brian Gaine, who the Texans signed to a 5 year deal in 2018, lasted 18 months.

Culley was never expected to be here for very long to begin with, despite the 4 year contract the Texans gave him. Culley had spent his 27 year career in the NFL as an assistant coach, never even rising to a coordinator position before. He was probably one of the last people on any NFL staff who would have ever been considered for a HC position, yet out of the blue, here come the Texans making Culley their HC.

Why? Well, the Texans had an unusual set of circumstances going on. The last HC, and GM, Bill O'Brien set a nuclear bomb off on the Texans organization, stripping it of just about any and all talent, and willy-nilly giving away draft picks to make it even harder to replace the talent he was getting rid of. The Texans roster was basically turned back into an expansion franchise. O'Brien was fired after an 0-4 start last season (2020), and that meant the Texans were not only out a HC, but a GM as well, as O'Brien was both.

Enter ex-Patriot Nick Caserio, the Texans 5th GM. With the shape the Texans organization was in, thanks to O'Brien, Caserio knew the Texans roster had to be stripped to the bare bones even more than it already was, as bad contracts also plagued the roster. No one ever admitted it was a rebuild, but that's exactly what it was, and it was most likely going to take multiple years to turn this franchise back into something respectable.

Houston fans know 1st hand about tearing everything down and starting over. The Houston Astros did just that when former owner Drayton McLane left the organization in shambles before selling the team. New owner, Jim Crane, and GM Jeff Luhnow, executed a plan that basically had the Astros tanking for 3 seasons, giving them high draft picks to help start rebuilding the organization. Astros fans had to endure 3 straight seasons of 100+ losses, but the plan finally started coming to fruition as early as 2015 when they made the playoffs. 2 years after that, they win the World Series, and have won 2 more pennants since. They have been a perennial World Series contender for half a decade now.

The 100 loss Astros are basically where the Texans are now. The only difference is, I'm not real sure the Texans have a plan, where the Astros did. Now, Caserio did come in his 1st year and overturned the roster about as much as you could in 1 offseason. He had over 50 players in camp that weren't here the previous year. During the course of the year, he was able to get rid of some bad contracts like Randall Cobb and Whitney Mercilus had. Point being though, is that the 2021 season was not expected to be a very successful one in the win/loss column, and it wasn't. The Texans go 4-13 and end up with the 3rd worst record in the NFL, meaning they have the 3rd overall pick in NFL Draft in April.

So the Texans were basically in tank mode. And thanks to a ton of 1 year contracts that Caserio signed players to last offseason, they will probably be in tank mode status again next season with the ton of roster turnover they're likely to have again. This is why I think David Culley was hired. The Astros hired Bo Porter as their manager during their 100 loss seasons. When the team started becoming relevant, they get a guy they thought would be the better manager, A.J. Hinch. David Culley was the Texans Bo Porter. He wasn't here to try to whip this team into shape and win games. He was here to manage the tank while the Texans try to turn things around.

And it was obvious fairly early that Culley was in way over his head to be a HC. Very early on he declined a penalty that would have allowed the Texans to play a 3rd down over, and elected to punt the ball away instead. I mean, that's not even something where any thought has to be put into it, yet Culley found a way to mess that up. But again, Culley wasn't brought here to be a "real" HC.

The Texans have been trying to emulate the Patriots for years now. Bill O'Brien was from the Patriots fold. The late Bob McNair was trying to bring in Caserio, now 4 years ago. The Texans even got accused of tampering in the process. Former Patriots character coach (whatever that is), Jack Easterby came to Houston and weaseled his way to Executive VP of Football Operations with absolutely no experience. In fact, Easterby was hand in hand with O'Brien with a lot of the most horrible deals an NFL team could ever make, and that man is still in the building. Now, there's nothing wrong with trying to copy the success the Patriots have had the last 20 years, except it doesn't appear to work anywhere but Foxborough. The Texans have never even made it past the 2nd round of playoffs, yet they keep trying to be Patriots South.

David Culley was brought in to be a placeholder until Caserio started turning things around, where he'd then go get the HC he really wants. And that is, of course, going to be someone from the Patriots. But it appears the timeline got accelerated. The Texans are still in no better shape than they were last offseason, and they shouldn't be expected to do much better in the win/loss column in 2022. I fully expected Culley to play the game for at least 1 more season, while Caserio had his 1st full draft (he had no 1st or 2nd round picks last year), having the #3 overall pick, and possibly getting even more should they FINALLY be able to do something with Deshaun Watson. This is the offseason where things could start taking shape, but the Texans still need so much, it's still going to take some time.

But the Texans fire Culley saying they had "philosophical differences". Yeah, right. I think Caserio feels his "guy" isn't going to be available if he waits any longer, or that "guy" has told his buddy Caserio that he's ready to come to Houston now. The Patriots are still in the playoffs, and have a game Saturday night against the Bills. If the Bills win that game sending the Patriots home, I'd bet the Texans announce their new HC on Sunday. If the Patriots win, then I'm betting we don't get that announcement for at least another week.

As for David Culley, well, he lasts 350 days, and will go into the record books with a 4-13 record and a .235 winning percentage. Out of 511 coaches who have ever been a head coach in an NFL game, whether on an interim basis or not, Culley's winning percentage is tied for the 34th worst of all time. But don't feel sorry for him. Culley, living on an assistant coaches salary for 27 years, which is still a pretty good gig, and never, ever, ever, expected to land a head coaching job, got a huge retirement boost from the Texans to come in and be their sock puppet. A $22,000,000 boost to be exact. Culley knew what he was getting into, knew he was getting the chance of a lifetime even though he wasn't qualified, and knew how fat his bank account would get to take on the role he was offered, and like almost any of us, gladly accepted it.

Fare thee well, Mr. Culley.